Sunday Night Dinner

The cold wet wraps around the house like a blanket. Nestled inside we are warm as toast, about to tuck into a simple dinner of soup and muffins.

Sweet Potato Muffins

Simply replace the banana in a banana muffin recipe with an equal amount of mashed, cooked sweet potato. Delish!

Split-Pea Soup with Rice and Carrots




To six cups chicken stock add 2 c. dried peas, 1 c. rice, 3 carrots (sliced), 1/2 c. chopped onion. Heat thoroughly over medium heat, stirring occasionally to keep from sticking, for about 45 minutes. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve immediately.

Review: Natural Remodeling for the Not-So-Green House: Bringing Your Home into Harmony with Nature

Natural Remodeling for the Not-So-Green House: Bringing Your Home into Harmony with Nature by Carol Venolia

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



Great book with some excellent ideas that are transportable across house styles and geographic areas, but I wish it had more real life examples from places other than California, with homes other than midwest-modern styles. There were only two homes out of dozens that I could directly relate to, and only one was a pre-20th century home. Still, the general information is well-written, concise, and applicable to many types of homes. Excellent information about microclimates and making your home more in tune with its location and the surrounding ecosystems. I would recommend it to anyone interested in making changes that will lower your energy footprint while preserving the personality of your home, and improving the livability of your own personal space.



View all my reviews

Apple Ginger Pancakes

Yes, it's a pancake morning!  The rain isn't letting me get out and take care of the yard today so we'll be doing things inside.  Here's what's for breakfast:

Apple Ginger Pancakes

3/4 c. whole wheat flour
1/2 c. unbleached white flour
4 tsp. granulated organic cane sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon

Blend together dry ingredients, set aside.
~
Place 2 tbsp. all-vegetable shortening in pan to melt.
~
1/2 c. plain yogurt
1 c. all-natural unfiltered apple juice
1 egg
1/4 c lowfat milk

Blend wet ingredients well with wire whisk.  Add melted shortening from pan, stir to mix.

Pour liquid mixture into bowl with dry ingredients, stir to mix well.

Drop by 1/4 cupfuls into hot frying pan, turn when ready.  Serve warm with maple syrup.
Makes about 12 3 1/2" size pancakes.

These are luscious and good for you as the ginger, yogurt, and whole grain wheat flour work wonders for your digestion, and if you top them with molasses instead of syrup, almost as well as a spring tonic! Enjoy!

Snowflake Cake

On a day when I wake up after a quiet peaceful night and see the world is covered in a white blanket, I have to make Snowflake Cake.  It's easy and you can see where it gets its name - the white sugar dusted over the top looks a lot like a drift of soft snow. Eaten warm right out of the oven, it's a very special treat!

This cake is also excellent for when you need a speedy take-with dish to a potluck or after-work celebration.  It takes 35 minutes from start to finish and contains only a few basic ingredients.  It's delicious, light, and airy, in spite of its somewhat dense chocolate texture.  People won't believe you made it entirely from scratch!

You will need:
Large mixing bowl
Smaller bowl
Spatula and wire whisk
9x13 baking dish, greased or sprayed with olive oil

3 c. King Arthur unbleached all-purpose flour
2 c. unbleached cane sugar
1/2 c. unsweetened baking cocoa (Ghiardelli is best)
1 tsp. sea salt
2 tsp baking soda

Mix dry ingredients together well with wire whisk in large bowl and set aside.

Pour 2 c. cold water, 1 tbsp. apple cider vinegar, 1/3 c. vegetable oil, 1/3 c. unsweetened applesauce, and 1 tsp. vanilla into small bowl.  Blend well, and add to dry ingredients in large mixing bowl.

Beat well with spatula for 300 strokes, turning bowl from time to time and scraping sides until all is well blended.  The batter will be smooth, creamy, and will gleam like satin with little bubbles that form from the interaction of the soda and vinegar.

Bake at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes.  Cake is done when it smells done, or when the top springs back to a light touch.

Remove from oven, allow to cool, dust with confectioner's sugar, and cut immediately into squares.  Serve warm or cold with fruit, whipped topping, or ice cream.

Love is Not Love

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments.  Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved. 

--Shakespeare, Sonnet 116

'Nuf said.  Carry on.

Comfort Food

Chardin, Grace Before a Meal

Looks like more rain is heading this way; the view outside is dank and drippy.  True to form I want to head to the kitchen to put something together that tastes good, is easy to prepare, and brings a satisfied warmth to the bellies in my house.

Here are a few of our favorites.

Bubble & Squeak

`Now, cheer up, Toad,' she said, coaxingly, on entering, `and sit up and dry your eyes and be a sensible animal. And do try and eat a bit of dinner. See, I've brought you some of mine, hot from the oven!'    

It was bubble-and-squeak, between two plates, and its fragrance filled the narrow cell. ..and Toad, between his sobs, sniffed and reflected, and gradually began to think new and inspiring thoughts: of chivalry, and poetry, and deeds still to be done; of broad meadows, and cattle browsing in them, raked by sun and wind; of kitchen-gardens, and straight herb-borders, and warm snap-dragon beset by bees; and of the comforting clink of dishes set down on the table at Toad Hall...   

Bubble and Squeak has a somewhat negligible reputation amongst foodies, which must be due to the fact that traditionally it was made up of leftover mashed potatoes and old cabbage boiled down in a pot to muculent ignominy.  We've made our version of delectably seasoned Virginia pork sausage, fresh cabbage, and new potatoes.  Quite the rainy day fare!

Take half a head of fresh green cabbage, wash thoroughly, and slice into 1/2" thick sections, chopping these in half again, and set aside in a bowl into which you've poured about 1 c. ice-cold water.  Wash and cube about 4 medium russet potatoes, leaving skins on, into pieces 3/4" - 1" in diameter.  Brown 1 lb. local sausage (Valleydale, Weinberg's, Neese's are all good choices, depending upon where you live) in a large skillet until down, lift out and let drain; pour off most of the sausage grease from pan, leaving crisp drippings.  Place the cubed potatoes in the skillet with 1 tbsp. unsalted butter and 1/4 c. water, cover and cook over medium low heat 15 minutes.  Add sausage and cabbage, layering over potatoes, cover again and steam about 10 more minutes just until cabbage is lightly done.  With spatula, lift and turn over the mixture to blend, cover tightly and remove from heat and let sit about 10 more minutes.  Serve with piping hot biscuits and butter or cornbread.  So good.


Shrimp & Grits
Nathalie Dupree, Charleston chef and former SC Senatorial candidate, has written an entire cookbook on this delectable concoction.  Being from Virginia, I'd never heard of it until I moved to South Carolina.  After my first bite I honestly wondered how I'd actually lived up to that point.  Never fails to lift my spirits, no matter how bummed I may be or how difficult the day has been.  Pure heaven defined in a china bowl.  Serve with green salad and hot tea.

Cook grits according to package directions using milk instead of water for a creamy consistency (Generally, measure 1-1/4 c. grits to about 4 c. milk, heat slowly on medium-low heat, add 1 tbsp. butter and 1 tsp. salt, stirring often until mixture is thoroughly cooked and thickened but not lumpy.  Keep covered.  Takes about 20-25 minutes). 
While grits are cooking, brown 3 - 4 slices fresh bacon on both sides, remove, drain, crumble, set aside, reserving pan drippings.  Add a bit of olive oil if necessary to make about 1/3 c. total in pan.  Wash, peel, de-vein about 1-1/4 lb. fresh medium-sized shrimp and remove tails.  Place shrimp in pan on medium heat, turning quickly but gently with spatula as the shrimp heat thoroughly, and as they are finishing, replace crumbled bacon in pan and lower heat.  Add a splash of white wine or apple juice, 1 tbsp fresh chives, 1 clove fresh minced garlic, fresh ground black pepper, dash tabasco or other flavorful hot pepper sauce to taste.  Cover and remove from heat, let this mixture sit for about 3-5 minutes so that the flavors continue to meld.  Serve up grits in large round cream soup dish with shrimp mixture ladled over the top.  Serves 4-5 admirably.


Bean & Bacon Soup

A childhood favorite.  Great with a grilled cheese sandwich and a nice dill pickle or two.  Using freshly dried herbs gives this a monumental flavor that will bring them back for second helpings every time.

1 lb. pkg. Navy or Great Northern Beans, washed & drained
1/2 lb. smoky sliced bacon strips, cooked according to package
2-3 medium carrots, peeled & chopped
1 small white or yellow onion, minced and cooked in bacon drippings until clear, drain and set aside
1 8 oz. can tomato paste
6-8 c. water
2 cloves garlic, peeled & minced
1/2 tsp ground sage
1/2 tsp ground thyme
1 tsp snipped rosemary
dash turmeric, ground black pepper, salt to taste

Cook beans according to package directions in large soup pot or dutch oven until tender.  Add cooked bacon, crumbled, along with about 2 tbsp pan drippings from bacon, and mix thoroughly to distribute.  Add carrots, cooked onion, tomato paste, water to desired consistency, and seasonings.  Cover and cook thoroughly on medium-low heat for about an hour.  Serves 10-12.

Comfort on a Rainy Evening

It may be cold and wet outside, but one way to warm up is with a spot o' tea and these amazing muffins.  If the name doesn't bring a smile to your face, wait 'til their spicy goodness melts on your tongue.  Enjoy them guilt-free 'cause there's nothing but goodness inside!

Yield:  18, and they freeze well.

Sunshine Muffins


2 eggs
3/4 c. vegetable oil
1/3 c. milk
1 tbsp. plain yogurt
2 tsp. vanilla
2 tbsp. molasses
2 c. unbleached all-purpose flour
1 c. organic cane sugar

2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. ground cardamom
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 tsp. ground cloves
1 1/2 c. shredded carrots (2-3 medium)
1 c. shredded apple (Rome or McIntosh are best - use 1 large or 2 small.  Alternately use 1 red and 1 Granny Smith apple for a nice alteration.)
1/2 c. shredded or flaked coconut
1/2 c. raisins, dried currants, or other dried fruit of your choice
1/3 c. sunflower seeds

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees F.  Place paper baking cups in 18 regular sized muffin cups, or alternately grease with shortening or cooking spray.
In large bowl, beat together eggs, oil, milk, yogurt, molasses, and vanilla with wire whisk until well blended.  Sift together flour, baking soda, salt; add to mixture and blend.  Add sugar and all spices, stir together with wooden spoon until just blended.  Set aside.

Grate carrots and apple, mix in separate bowl with coconut, dried fruit and sunflower seeds.  Add fruit & nut mixture to large bowl and blend all ingredients well until combined.

Spoon by 1/4-cup measure into muffin cups.  Bake @ 350 for 20 - 22 minutes.  Serve hot with butter, honey, or molasses and a nice pot of Chai tea.


Adapted from "Glorious Morning Muffins" courtesy Gold Medal Flour.

Warm and Savory

No matter how you spend the months of winter, curled up by a warm fire with a book or engaged in brisk outside activities, it's hard to beat the universal appeal of homemade soup.  It's easy and so satisfying.  Feel free to experiment with whatever ingredients you have on hand; there are no hard and fast rules for soup and it's one of the best ways to use up leftover vegetables, rice, pasta, and roasted meats.

Winter Bean Soup
3 c. cold water
1 16-oz. package dried white beans or navy beans
1 med. butternut squash, peeled and diced into 1" chunks
1 onion, peeled & diced
1 clove of garlic, minced
1 tbsp. butter
3 1/2 cups chicken broth plus the meat from a roasted chicken
    (boil carcass to remove the bones from the meat, skim the fat)
1/2 tsp dried thyme leaves
1/2 tsp dried basil leaves
1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
Sea salt to taste

Put water and beans into a dutch oven or crock pot, heat to boiling, then turn off and let sit for an hour.  Turn heat back up and cook beans until soft, adding water as needed to ensure beans do not dry out.  Add onion, garlic, butternut squash, chicken broth and chicken, cook on medium for a couple of hours.  When vegetables are soft and soup is of a good consistency, add herbs, salt and pepper, and simmer on low for another hour or so.  Serve with hearty bread and cheese or cornmeal muffins.


Soupe a la Reine
Never a fan of turnips, I was in a weird mood when I decided to try this... Said to be the favorite of Marie Antoinette, this recipe is adapted from one used in the artist Claude Monet's kitchen at Giverny, and two other 19th century recipes which mentioned the use of almonds in the broth.  It is positively decadently delicious, and should be placed right up there among the necessary indulgences with brie, ripe strawberries, and darkest, richest chocolate.

1 1/2 lbs. fresh turnips, washed, trimmed, and sliced
1/2 stick (4 tbsp.) unsalted butter
1 cup whole milk
1 cup sour cream (or substitute additional 1 c. whole milk, 1 tbsp butter, and 1/4 c. potato flakes)
1/2 cup almond milk (do not substitute soy milk, but skim milk or a bit of chicken broth would work)
1 tbsp. unbleached flour
Sea salt and pepper to taste

Cook turnips on medium heat in as little water as possible (no more than 3 to 4 cups but enough so that the turnips do not stick or scorch) until soft enough to mash with a fork.  Puree the turnips (or mash completely), add butter and continue heating on medium-low heat until butter is melted through the mixture.  Add milk and cream, stirring slowly until thickened slightly; small bubbles may appear at edge of pot, but do not boil.  Add flour to almond milk, salt, and pepper, whisk until completely dissolved, and add to soup mixture.  Heat thoroughly on low simmer.  Serve hot with table water crackers, tea, and fruit.

Humility and a Secure Future

Reading "God Never Blinks." Regina Brett has so much to offer to a world down on its luck, seemingly running out of time, with so much to worry about. With plans scattered like so many specks of dust to places invisible, it's much too easy to forget our basis for faith, and how to reach out and hold on to what has kept us going in the past. Taking one more step forward sometimes feels too damned hard, and hardly worth it. After all, why wake up to one more day of struggle? Isn't it better to just roll over and hit the snooze button? "Forget about life for awhile"?

Why yes, actually. Sometimes that's exactly what we should do.



Life of Agony reminds us exactly what it's like to be worn out and in dire need of escape, maybe with a bit more of an edge than Billy Joel did, but the message is the same. Sometimes we do need to just get it all out in order to forget how bad it all is. And that's okay. But after that, there's something else that's the spiritual and emotional equivalent of clearing the air so we can breathe again.

It's called forgiveness.

Ms. Brett has a bumper sticker that says, "God Bless the Whole World. No Exceptions." She goes on to tell us "Forgive Everybody Everything." I can vouch for the goodness in that. There is nothing anyone's done to me that's worth the spiritual and emotional turmoil of holding a grudge. Nobody's worth eating up my liver over. Nobody gets to be that powerful over me and my life, and as far as I know, nobody really wants to be.

This is not to say nobody's mistreated me. Far from it. Like a lot of people, I'm one of the "walking wounded." But you know what? That just means I've learned a few things. It doesn't mean anyone owes me anything. That honor belongs to - you guessed it - just me.

For about five minutes, it does me good to get angry and rant and spout out all the venom and bile that some peoples' actions incite. But after that, it's good to just put all that away and move on, looking around to see the good things that are still surrounding my world and reminding me that it's never too late to put down that burden and step forward into the light. In fact, if I don't, it's just going to get heavier and heavier the longer I forget to do so.

"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past. At first that sounds harsh, but once you let go of what you wanted the past to be, you can start changing the present and create a better future," Ms. Brett writes in Lesson 28. Well, duh. Why didn't I figure that out already? Sometimes we need people to point out the obvious, so we can clear the smudges from our eyes and actually see what we're looking at. You can't move beyond something, or stop being a victim, until you stop calling yourself a loser, and take back your own power over situations. Forgive, and then forget. Choose life, and remove yourself from that pain. Put it down. Let it go.

Here's a gem of real value, and I'm putting it here where I'll remember to come back and read it from time to time:

Humility is perpetual quietness of heart.
It is to have no trouble.
It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me.
It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble.
--Dr. Bob, co-founder of AA and the Twelve-Step Program

Well then. Today is my lucky day. Yours, too! Go out there and forgive somebody. And then treat yourself to a big slice of that pie called Life. There's very little you can do that will more strongly ensure control of your own destiny. And what's more secure than that?

Preserving Summer Harvest

Chutney is a delectable, spicy preserve-like concoction that is made to be served with slowly-roasted beef, chicken, or pork but is also delicious embedded in an omelet or folded into a piquant casserole. Best when the freshest ingredients are used at the height of their summer goodness, it takes time and patience to chop, peel, skin, and dice all the fruits and vegetables that go into it, but when savoring your own prudent industry over a leisurely wintry meal, there’s simply nothing better to recall to mind the warmth and goodness of long summer days.

Last August 23rd, dear husband and I managed to put up a very good batch of Peach Chutney that we adapted from a recipe in Linda Ferrari’s classic Canning and Preserving, and I took pictures intending to share the results with folks here at the blog. The local peaches and the peppers from the garden were especially plentiful - and juicy - last year. However, real life being what it is, I never got around to making the blog post. Some people may wonder why I’m bothering to do it now, but I’m of the mind that it really is never too late to recall and make a note of good things like this. Jason & I used to make Chutney a lot; in fact, one of our family jokes was to make this very British preparation in early July, and tongue-in-cheek to call it “Fourth of July Chutney,” ‘cause we’re awesome like that. But I digress.

Being in the kitchen is one of my favorite memories of life with this man, who is much more at home around the stove & countertop than I am. While at times it may have been a little awkward as we worked around each others’ idiosyncrasies (random grumbles and mutual harrumphs notwithstanding), as I look back over the years I feel a warmth rise in my chest remembering the way his hands moved, assuredly and with the skill of long practice, and the delectable meals he’s prepared. So - here ‘tis, a year late, but still kind of wonderful – and I’m not just talking about the tangible results. There’s something magical about working together and producing something fine that goes beyond the immediate; it’s a shared experience that underscores the importance of living in the moment while affirming that even when it’s a bit of a challenge, the future is an opportunity worth preserving. Try it with someone you love.


Peach Chutney

7 lbs. fresh peaches, blanched, skinned and chopped
1 large onion, minced
1 c. dried currants
Zest and juice of 1 lemon
1 large gingerroot, peeled and finely chopped
Several red, green, and yellow peppers, sliced, seeds removed, and minced
2 c. cider vinegar
2 c. brown sugar
½ c. granulated organic cane sugar
1 tsp. ground peppercorns
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. whole cloves
½ tsp. ground mace
¾ tsp. ground allspice

Prepare fruit and vegetables carefully. Blend vinegar, sugars, lemon juice, zest, ginger root, and spices in a large heavy pot placed on the stove. Add peaches, onion, currants, and peppers. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring constantly, until slow boil is reached. Lower heat and simmer until thickened to correct consistency.

Ladle into hot, prepared jars, seal, and process for 10 minutes in a water bath. Cool for several hours or overnight and check for complete sealing of jars.

Makes approximately 7-8 pints. Store in a cool, dark place.

transitional dynamics

feeling the worth this morning of reporting on things that get into the meat of necessary change. so often what is out there is so much fluff, which is why we luddites and deep thinkers must just pass over it or puke. but some people are apparently getting it, even though the vast majority are still either caught up in the sparkly bits, or hiding their collective Gucci-clad heads in the sand.

it will affect us all some day. it affects us now, you know. why do you think we rush so hard to get to the computer & log on to check everything in the morning? is it because we half-way believe it might not be there, maybe sooner than later?

i am not here to convince anyone to do anything other than think. and to do that, you'll have to --ahem --educate yourself. not going to recommend any books, papers, or websites. you have access to blackle and you are a smart person.

zut, alors.... have to slap a certain website on the wrist this morning, howsomever. since when is it more "green" to buy French than Carolina or Virginia wines if you live east of the Mississippi? i ask you. the subject didn't even come up.... the choice as far as they are concerned is, napa or europe. and lo, papa, stop whirling in your proverbial urn. you know it's positively true that if you were alive today you'd be sipping virginia merlot dripped from right up the road at chateau marmoset morissette. or jefferson's meritage, say 2001. that is some yummy stuff. goes with the venison hubby bow-shot last weekend quite well.

meant to include linda's recipe for carolina venison chili and my apple tart recipe this morning. that will have to wait, out of time.

rest easy, papa. and you greenies? wake up and smell the local vintage, for chrissakes.

Wild Grape Jam

My recipe, found & posted courtesy of RaeSofSunshine!


Wild Grape Jam
Recipe by Susannah Eanes
Yield: 4 12-oz jars jam, or approx. 6 half-pints

11 cups whole grapes (abt. 3-1/2 lbs.)

You will also need:
A stockpot and/or water-bath canner
Ladle
2 cups water
Sieve
Prepared Jars
4-1/2 cups sugar
Large, wide-lipped bowl (like a salad bowl)
Prepared Lids & Rims

Wash grapes, pick stems & leaves, wash again thoroughly but gently. Divide into two equal portions. Put half of grapes in large, heavy stockpot. Peel skins from other half, reserve skins, put pulp into stock pot with other half of grapes. Cook on medium temperature about 12-15 minutes until soft and skins start to split on their own. Grapes should mash very easily. Remove from heat.

Put grapes through sieve, reserving all pulp and juice. You should get about 3 cups. Discard cooked skins and seeds. Put pulp mixture back into stockpot with reserved skins and water. Bring to boil on med-high heat setting. Add sugar. Bring to boil again on medium-high heat setting (if the stove setting is too high, the jelly will stick and burn before it cooks properly). Stir frequently and test often for jelly consistency. I set atimer and be sure to check it at least once every 7-10 minutes, and stand over it once the temperature reaches 215 degrees.

Cook until mixture reaches 220 degrees and maintains this temperature for at least 5 minutes. This should take anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes. One way to be sure jelly stage has been reached is to observe mixture as it drips off a metal spoon, it should form little sheets as the drops run together off the edge. Watch to be sure two or three drops are combining into one sheet.

When jelly stage is reached, remove from heat and pour into large, wide-lipped ceramic bowl (like a big salad bowl). Cool for five minutes, then ladle into prepared, hot jars. Wipe rims and seal. Process in water-bath canner for 10 minutes. Remove and cool on towels. Check to be sure lids have sealed.

Enjoy!

joy in the morning

i'm really visual lately, so i'm just going to share a few images of what we did sunday morning.... (click on images for larger version if you want).

This is my friend...


Scuppernongs



Thompsons



they'll go to make the best grape jam in the universe. come & share some with us!

midsummer finds

these were taken by my hubby atop a mountain in my home state of virginia, at the cumberland gap, specifically. will be traveling this week for a visit with relatives and to be revitalized by all the old familiar places. it'll be cooler there, a welcome respite from the heat.

here in sc, the air is still and hot as we await yet another afternoon thunderstorm. there is a hum in the air, a quickening that heightens the senses, hovers, and yet refuses to alight. it spears the calm. in the garden the bees advance like gleaners gathering beads of tranquility, spiriting into hidden pockets and disappearing under limp, curling leaves. they beg for the storm to bring its cooling effervescence, life-giving sweetness to the packed bare earth.

i move about between the buildings from early morning to late afternoon, attending to various duties, weaving wishes together to make something artful. if only for myself. as i wait, the summer beckons: don't stay in, come out, come out, the winter will be here before you know it, and you hate cold weather. i stand still, letting the countless archaic souls of this place wind throughout my heart and mind, encompassing all manner of thieving rhythms and timeless nightmares etched in rhymes down the winding paths, white with dust, my brow wrinkled to heaven. the place is timeless. it whispers platitudes in my ear, telling me "all in good time, my dear. all in good time."

finding peace amid rapidly truncating options

Hanging out on the porch with oldest daughter Rachael, June 2007

...in other words, watching your big fat world shrink. there is a parallel for what has happened in my own life over the past few years or so and what is happening in the world at large. this is so often the case that i have ceased to wonder at it, and only rarely stop to comment on the phenomenon.

the health is not good. it is a result of long ago choices that were ill-conceived and momentarily self-serving. while the popular culture of my youth espoused chemical pleasures and lack of remorse, my own experience was a grueling dedication to succeed physically and mentally but with no more thought than anyone of what might be happening within my own body, that would later require a reckoning.

the same might be said of our earth. long ago, or maybe not so long ago, the world began spinning on its axis at a much faster rate. or so it seemed. we reached out across miles of wilderness to grasp at whatever we wanted. if we saw it we calculated its effect on us and made the decision to go after profit as a matter of course. we did not stop to visit other options. profit equalled progress. students of history and social systems foretold the nasty outcomes and estimated the length of time we had left to adjust our behavior to avoid them. we as a society of individuals largely ignored them, save for a few feel-good celebrations of our existence and the good of sharing the seemingly unstoppable wealth here on dear mother earth.


Delivering a water quality report to Rural Water Board Members, Barbour County, Alabama, 1987. At the time weighing about 90 lbs., funny how piling on the layers of clothing hides that so well... typical trick of the anorexic, along with wearing things that fit too loosely.

it does not matter that those of us who were aware of impending climate and societal changes that would be brought about by over-reaching on so many levels knew they were coming and tried to do something about that. we will reap what we all have sown. and that's ok in my book. it is fine to be challenged, perhaps especially by ourselves. we who foretold --if we were all that smart --should be out in the forefront, continuing to feed back to those who struggle to understand just how we are supposed to continue to function in the face of a shrinking planet's growth pains the hows and wherefores of our continued existence. we should not cease to be scientists just because it's starting to get downright wicked and hot up there in the crow's nest, and because the mists of doubt and distaste that are rolling in obscure the horizon that was clear not so very long ago. we now see what we foresaw --what makes that so difficult to discern? we must now see beyond that horizon, and press on to the future that awaits.

i welcome that extreme of categorical oblivion. it is true that some of us see bliss in the hardest press of faith. to us the journey is the most pleasant option --to hell with the outcomes. when we find ourselves struggling with the present, we know that if we look up and outward, we will find the present disintegrating and our future ahead of us once more. continued effort will only yield a difference. it is up to us to choose whether to press on, or to succomb to our own ineptitude and lack of vision.

to apply this to myself is my own personal challenge. the damage wrought in youth by ignorance and inattention to my health at times just kicks my ass. lupus is a disintegrating disease. i refuse to acknowledge the damage without a hefty dose of envisioning renewal. that philosophy is largely what has kept me going forward... and has kept me largely able to deal with this drug-free. the time may soon come when i will have to consider those options. i am searching for ways to continue to avoid them, and am presently considering a somewhat radical change in my activity pattern.
Age 26, 87 lbs. and hanging over the edge. Note the loose-fitting clothing trick.

so for now, more palatable to me than drugs is facing my propensity to overdo and undereat. for the past ten years i have avoided strenuous exercise because of the rush of adrenaline and appetite suppression that accompanies it. i know these are learned psychological reactions, not normal ones, but apparently these do not go away even after years of therapy and healthy eating. in past years whenever i have picked up ballet and modern dance exercise the weight always plummets. this was the trick i used in youth that kept me hovering between 88 and 93 lbs until i was over 30. and my doctors eventually convinced me that "you can kill yourself alot quicker by not eating than by overeating. you need to get used to what you consider fat --and embrace it." so i did, so that hopefully my children would still have a mother when they graduated from college. i haven't weighed myself in over a decade, since i threw away the scales. and my husband, the gourmet, assures that i eat wholesome, regular meals regularly, watching constantly for signs of avoidance like ribs and hip bones that look more like sticks and plowshares than the inner supports for a human being. with his help i have been able to survive and care for my children.

Precious moments

but i am heavier and softer than i can possibly stand --even with all the mental tricks I can utilize --or can reconcile even given my warped sense of what is and is not "fat," and i believe the stress on my legs and the circulation problems that are being exhibited must be aggravated by the extra weight and lack of muscle tone. ok, we are probably talking about less than 10 pounds here. to some that is laughable. but i am a tiny person, and the niggling suspicion driven by daily pain is, shouldn't i do something? and perhaps it isn't the weight so much as the tone. my arms feel like pudding, my legs are starting to look like my 75-year-old mother's --fine for her, untenable for me. surely a moderate amount of exercise, beyond the walking and stretching that i allow myself to do, would help. so the question now is, how to find middle ground? it is easier to understand how to solve the world's consumption problems than my own. i find i have no knowledge whatsoever of what constitutes middle ground in an exercise regimen. this is exacerbated by the fact that when i work out, i have no sense of time or stress. i am carried aloft by the chemicals my own body generates that are akin to a dose of methamphetamine for an addict. i know when that happens i will swallow it whole and press on until i can feel nothing but the light and air that surrounds me. and so it is only afterwards that i may realize i went too far, and by then the damage has been done. this happened so much in the past that i can ill afford to do any more damage, and so i stopped exercising, rather than collapse one day before my kids were grown and still needed me.
Dance class, 1983.

so my prayer today is for middle ground. i don't believe this is the answer for the earth --i believe that concerted effort toward conservation and cutting back on economic fortitude is the only thing that will stem the tide of environmental backlash. but i could be wrong... in that, too, the answer may be "everything in moderation," as it seems to be in my own life, and so often is the case. then again, the answer could be in the definition of what constitutes "middle ground." perhaps that might be found by looking at the earth overall --in which case, extreme measures should still be taken by the most developed countries, so that the overall result the world over is moderation, buffering, slowing down to a less dizzying pattern of growth, renewal, and faith in the future --reaching toward the light, yet never losing conscious contact with our feet upon the ground.

duality

i've been recently taking the time to review this blog and have realized that --aside from fixing the broken image links (now having been done!) there may be a bit of clarification in order.

i live in two houses, actually, and have for over 2 years now. this is necessitated by the rather complicated custody situation with my three youngest angels and the fact that my heart --and my husband --remain employed elsewhere. the two houses are located about 1 1/2 hours apart. neither, sad to say, is my full-time residence. this situation, a ridiculous one, really, isn't likely to change anytime soon. my children's school is in one state, my husband's work in another. so we have our "cottage" (also known as 'the hidden house,') and the caretaker's house on the "estate" --and i commute about 2-3 times a week between the two. on days i don't have my children, i am of course in south carolina. on days i do, i am in north carolina. i have a place to do my work at each, and in the words of one of my friends, i certainly am "quite adaptable." it helps that i have always considered home a place of the heart, and not really tied to any physical location.

i also refer from time to time to my small hometown in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, and also to a favorite past abode, located in Summerfield, NC, where I still maintain friendly ties.

also, traveling back and forth between our two houses has given me an opportunity to observe firsthand the revitalization --some might even call it rebirth --of commerce on at least two very small carolina backroads towns. i'll try to write about those in the context of southern development as a whole very soon. they do demonstrate some surprises, certainly... and perhaps are more indicative of the rebirth of southern culture as a whole, in spite of what some wise-assed yankees may think. there are dualities to be discussed in the realm of "the real south," and "the south that is visible from the casual vehicular vantage point." but as far as that goes, if what you see from the interstate keeps you assholes up nawth, so much the better.

but as to my home duality: i hope this helps to explain a bit about the actual situation of "home" as written about in "lawn no more," "backyard view," and "travelling mercies," vs. the location of the power outage i was writing about in "recommended reading." i realize i haven't actually written about the estate as "home," and yet, most of the writing in this blog has actually taken place there, and all of the pictures of scenery, trees, and landscape have come from there. the two are very different homes. both are rural, one much more so. and yet, the fact of this duality is not a bad place to call home --in itself it defines home as restful refuge, and not place. but to be more clear in the future i'll try to put a reference either to "the estate" or "the cottage," somewhere in the text.

more --and hopefully clearer --ruminations soon.

plain as plain

and what, you may well ask, is plain? well, for starters, me. i am plain. i live plainly. plain keeps life "doable," so to speak. anymore when life starts to clutter up it lets me know that i'm not living plainly enough. so i look about for something to divest.

that latest divestiture is worry. worry about whether or not i'm doing the right thing, mainly. all i know is i really am doing the best that i can.

also, i'm concentrating on the planning work, and my writing. besides my children and my husband (and two houses!) that is enough. i'm not cut out to do manual labor for others, my family keeps me busy enough. recently we re-incorporated adair fox as a non-profit. it better fits our mission, and makes us able to work more closely with others aligned with the same tasks: that of bettering the world, instead of our own pocketbooks. in all honesty, i have never felt so free to do what i see that needs to be done in the world.

thank god, thank god.

i just like to be able to sleep at night, and my work must continue to enable me to do so. i quit the government sphere because my body told me "no more stress." i am honored to be seeing my work being fulfilled at last with love, honor, and truth. this is all that matters. so. onward and upward. when my children no longer need me there will still be this work. it continues to be the most important contribution i make aside from them. i am glad to be able to say it is all finally coming together, amen, and amen.

lawn no more

This past April, I had a similar epiphany to the one expressed by this writer:

The Lawn Racket, by Stan Cox

In the theme of keeping wildness, I neglected to do what my next-door and across-the-street neighbors were doing, namely going out every two days and running the noisy lawnmower, at times with dust flying in their wake. I wish they realized just how stupid they looked. Maybe it was in protest, maybe I just got fed up with the price of gasoline, maybe I decided it was high time I put theory into practice, but I refused to mow the lawn to shreds with a noisy, wasteful gas-powered engine. Instead, I went out and got a scythe. I go out about once a week or so and work for about 2 hours, sometimes I do it for a few days in a row, as I feel like it. I am not committed to making the lawn look manicured, just keeping the weeds at bay --and weeds, in my book, are not necessarily a bad thing if they have flowers and don't make me sneeze! Sometimes I pull out the reel mower if I'm feeling especially neat and orderly, but honestly, the yard looks happier, and I am proud to say not one molecule of gasoline exhaust has littered the air about the place this year.

Several summer months later, my upper arms are less flabby, my waist continues whittled, and I do not contribute to the unnecessary noise of the neighborhood. Much to be desired in the rural countryside, where bluebirds, warblers, and wrens flit in the trees and the sigh of the wind is music to the ears.

backyard view

"Summer is over, autumn beckons. How wonderful to have that forced upon me when waking. How wealthy am I, not to be insulated from my world, to be aware of the activity of my neighbors who are different from me." --blog post from Sept. 06, 2005

Since that post I have wanted to share a photo of the view from my backyard. Here it is, and of course it does not do justice to the reality. It was taken during this past weeks' fine weather, when the sky told why in glorious terms it is called, "carolina blue," and the air laid soft upon my skin as I hung the morning's laundry. The light is always particularly golden, as it is so many places in the less populated areas of the south. The place is quite lively all on its own, it has no need of man's intervention to make it a "happening place." This morning, for instance, the particolored leaves are a veritable orchestra of sound as they continue to shower the earth with tickets to the show in gold, copper, and russet. The light glitters pure and shining upon them, ensuring none is slighted, each is picked out with its own special limelight, silhouetted against the shadows of the dark treetrunks. The stubble field, sown in rye, is as green as the course at Augusta, and the cloudless sky is a deep periwinkle blue.

None of which would translate to film, I imagine. I have neither the skill nor the patience of our dear friend Fred. And I am not sure even he could capture the sense of all the movement, which is what makes it so alive. So you will have to be content with words, or come for a visit.

school pix

these were taken recently for the school directory. so proud of these kids.